Surrender (Cunningham Security Book 7) Read online

  “I’m warning you now that I know nothing about yoga, so you can’t laugh at me,” Lexi stated. “I figured I’d do something to tone up a bit before the wedding.”

  I stood from where I was seated on my mat at the front of the class and promised, “I would never laugh at you. This specific class is meant for all levels, so I’ll be sure to offer plenty of modifications for everything. Congratulations on the engagement. I’m so excited you both came.”

  “To be honest,” Zara started. “I’ve been craving taking a class, so I’m so excited Holden managed to get something figured out to help you out until the studio is rebuilt. I almost wonder how I survived before I found yoga.”

  I let out a laugh. “You and me both, girl,” I agreed with her.

  “Speaking of Holden…” Lexi trailed off.

  I rolled my eyes and reasoned, “So this isn’t really about toning up before the wedding, is it?”

  She shrugged, feigning innocence. “Of course, it is. I can’t help that there’s other juicy gossip happening at the same time.”

  “I’ll believe that when you show up to a few more classes,” I teased her.

  “I will. Just wait and see.”

  “So, how are things going with you and Holden?” Zara asked, redirecting us.

  I sighed, unsure of what to say. As I told Holden weeks ago, I didn’t have friends that lived close by. The people that I did have meaningful friendships with I’d met through yoga. When I went to a couple different yoga teacher trainings over the last few years, I’d fostered connections with some incredible people. But none of them lived in Wyoming. Sure, Zara was one of my students, but she was also a friend and fellow business owner. While I’d originally reached out to Lexi years ago when I first opened my studio, we hadn’t kept in touch.

  Standing in front of them now, I realized it wouldn’t hurt to forge a deeper bond with these two women.

  “I honestly don’t know,” I admitted. “I think I made a huge mistake.”

  “What did you do?” Zara asked.

  “I lied to him.”

  After noting the shock on their faces, I felt my mood plummet.

  “What do you mean you lied?” Lexi asked. “About what?”

  Keeping my voice low, I explained, “I told him I could do a no-strings-attached affair. It had been a while since I’d been with anyone. He’s so good-looking, a magnificent kisser, and there was clearly a mutual attraction between us. At first, Holden didn’t take me up on it. But less than twelve hours later he showed up on my doorstep telling me that he shouldn’t have denied us both from having what we wanted.”

  Zara and Lexi were staring at me intently when Zara concluded, “And now that you’ve both given in to the physical attraction, you want something more. Am I right?”

  I nodded.

  “Okay, but why is that a problem?” Lexi wondered. “Did he say that he didn’t want anything more than just a physical relationship?”

  “The whole reason I offered a no-strings-attached affair was because he had said he wasn’t looking for anything serious. When he showed up and gave in to the attraction between us, he didn’t exactly hold back in any other realm. I mean, he told his brother I was his woman for crying out loud.”

  Understandable confusion washed over their faces.

  “So, did something happen that’s making you think there’s a problem between the two of you?”

  I glanced at the clock, realized I still had another four minutes before class was going to start, so I went on and shared, “Everything was mostly great up through last Monday. Then, he called and showed up on Thursday night. It was all about phenomenal sex. I was fine with that. But after he left, I didn’t hear from him until Sunday when it happened again. I haven’t heard from him since. I guess I didn’t really think it through enough, and I’m mostly to blame for my current predicament. I mean, I told the guy we could do this without strings.”

  Zara contemplated my words a moment before she asked, “Did you ever actually believe you could do this without strings?”

  I let out a laugh and admitted, “I think I tried to convince myself of it in the heat of the moment.”

  “Yikes,” Lexi murmured.

  “Have you tried talking to him?” Zara asked.

  “That’s the thing,” I started. “When we first started this thing between us, he talked with me. I’ll admit he wasn’t very forthcoming with a lot of stuff, but there was at least something. Now, there’s almost nothing. I’ve tried talking to him. Not about this, but just in general. He seems happy enough to listen to me talk, but the minute I ask anything about him, he basically shuts down.”

  “Keep trying to talk to him,” Lexi ordered. “Whatever you’ve got to do to make it happen, just do it. Withhold sex if necessary. But no matter what, if this isn’t working for you, you have to let him know.”

  I knew that. I really did. I just found myself so consumed by him when he was around that I seemed to lose my ability to function properly.

  “I have to,” I said. “I just need to figure out how to do it.”

  “If you need to talk about it, Leni, just call. You have my number,” Zara offered.

  “Mine too,” Lexi added.

  “Thanks, girls. I really appreciate it,” I returned. “We should probably get ready for class.”

  With that, I returned to my space on my mat while Lexi and Zara joined the rest of the students on their individual mats.

  Sitting there, I looked out at my class and realized it was larger than normal. While most of the faces were familiar ones of students who’d been coming to my studio previously, there were quite a lot of unfamiliar faces. It was then I gathered that Reece must have done some work to get me a few new students.

  At that knowledge, I took in a deep breath, smiled, and said softly, “Hi, yogis. Thank you so much for coming to class today. I’m seeing a lot of familiar faces here. I appreciate all of my regulars for making the journey here to practice with me. And to all the new students here today, I hope you enjoy this class, so I can see you more often. Today, we’re going to be focusing on reducing our stress and anxiety through a bunch of balance postures and breathing techniques. Before we begin, I want you to take a moment to think about what it is that you need to let go of, whether in the physical or emotional sense and let that sit in your mind for just a moment. I’m going to ask you to acknowledge whatever it is that’s taking up space in your mind or your heart, and by the end of class, our goal will be to let it go.”

  With that, I instructed my class to sit in half-lotus pose, close their eyes, and just focus on their breath. Then, right along with my students, I spent the next hour working through what was causing me stress, finding a way to shift my mindset, and focusing on something else.

  While I always found the time on my mat to be productive, today’s class was, by far, the most therapeutic session I’d had in a long time.

  Following class, I took some time to talk with my students. Many of my regulars from my studio extended their heartfelt sympathy at the loss I’d suffered, offering a helping hand if needed when the time to rebuild arrived. I also introduced myself to some of the new faces, hoping I was cultivating what would end up being a long-standing relationship.

  When the room had emptied out, I started rolling up my mat and the few extras I’d brought along for those who might not have had one. That’s when I heard the door open.

  I turned around and saw Reece walking toward me.

  “I was just thinking about you,” I stated.

  He cocked an eyebrow and smirked at me. “Is that so? I’ll take that as a compliment.”

  I laughed and corrected him, “Not like that. What I meant to say was that I was thinking that I wanted to come out and talk to you before I left here tonight.”

  “The fact that I’m on your mind at all is enough for me,” he teased. “So, how did it go here? Was everything alright?”

  “It was,” I started. “I was actually really surpris
ed to see so many new faces here tonight. Am I to assume that you went above and beyond to promote this class for me?”

  Reece grinned. “Well, it was for me, too,” he assured me. “The truth is, we’ve had quite a few requests over the years for yoga classes, but I’ve had a heck of a time trying to find someone to teach them regularly. I figured if I could bring in some additional business, we could work out an arrangement that’ll have you staying on, even if only on a part-time basis, after you’re back up and running in your studio.”

  I had to admit that it was a reasonable request and a great idea. It would have been foolish of me to turn down the opportunity to reach more students. If they came to Reece’s gym out of convenience but enjoyed the classes enough, they might be willing to travel to my studio on the days I didn’t come to the gym. Plus, I felt compelled to show my appreciation for him helping me out.

  “I think that’s an excellent idea,” I said. “I’m more than willing to talk about that when the time comes. I’d love to try to find something that works for both of us.”

  Reece’s eyes widened in surprise. “Really? I was mostly joking, but I’m definitely excited that you’re willing to consider it. And so many of my regulars here will love it.”

  “Yeah, I was being serious,” I insisted.

  “That’s great news, Leni. This is certainly one of those times where I’m grateful my brother decided to not stand in his own way,” Reece declared.

  I didn’t know what Reece meant by that, but at the mention of Holden, I felt myself starting to unravel a bit. Suddenly, I was worried that I was going to undermine all of the hard work I’d just put in to release the tension that had built up in my body over the situation with Holden.

  “Or maybe he hasn’t gotten out of his own way,” Reece stated, snapping me out of it.

  I shook the negative thoughts from my mind. And even though I heard what he said, I still asked, “What?”

  “The look on your face tells me that Holden’s struggling with you.”

  My eyebrows shot up. “Struggling with me?” I asked, even though I thought that was the understatement of the century.

  Reece just nodded.

  Perhaps I should have let it go at that, but I couldn’t help myself. I really liked Holden. I enjoyed being around him, I loved the compassion and care he’d shown me from the moment we met, and I thought we had been doing a great job of building something until he suddenly stopped.

  So, while I didn’t want to do something that could upset Holden if he found out I was discussing what we had between us with his brother, I decided to tread carefully. Ever since I made a choice to follow my heart years ago, I’d found it very difficult to hold myself back from anything. Finding out what might have caused the change in Holden was one of those things I couldn’t just overlook.

  “Is there something I should know?” I asked cautiously.

  Reece shook his head and sighed, “Nothing that I can share.”

  A wave of disappointment flooded me as my gaze dropped to the ground. Reece must have noticed because he urged, “Be patient with him.”

  I brought my eyes to his, and he continued, “I know he feels something strong for you, Leni. But he’s got stuff that holds him back from going after what he might really want. Give him time. I promise that once he finds a way to surrender to how he feels, you won’t regret giving him that chance.”

  I swallowed hard at the news Reece just delivered. The thought of Holden battling something and not knowing how to get past it hurt my heart. With the newly imparted wisdom Reece shared, I decided I could be patient. I’d give Holden more time. My hope was that he wouldn’t need much, though.

  “Thanks, Reece,” I finally said softly.

  He gave me a quick nod and replied, “It’s getting late, so I’ll let you get going. I just wanted to come in and check to see that everything ran smoothly with your first class here.”

  “It did. Thank you again.”

  “No problem.”

  With that, Reece walked out. I stared at myself in the mirror, took a few deep breaths, and walked out a couple minutes after he did.

  Just as I was approaching the front reception desk, I saw Connor walking away from it.

  “Hey, Connor,” I greeted him.

  He smiled at me and recalled, “Hi, Leni. Oh, that’s right. I remember seeing the advertisement about the yoga class. Tonight was your first one, wasn’t it?”

  I nodded. “What are you doing here? I thought you came here in the morning.”

  Connor shook his head. “I only do that on days when I know your father is coming into the office later or if he’s out of town. I still work the same number of hours but prefer to get a workout in early and stay later at the office when it’s possible. Sometimes after a long day at Ford Communications, it can be difficult to find the motivation to come and get a workout in.”

  “I bet,” I returned. “I commend you on making it here tonight, then.”

  Connor laughed. “No doubt it was a struggle.”

  “Well, I won’t delay you in making it happen any longer.”

  He shook his head. “It’s okay. I miss being able to talk to you. I’m so glad I bumped into you here last week. It was nice to reconnect after all these years.”

  “Absolutely. It’s great seeing you again, too. But I’ve got to get out of here now. I still have some work I have to get done tonight before I get to bed. I’m sure I’ll see you again soon now that my classes have started.”

  “Sounds great. Take care, Leni.”

  “You too, Connor.”

  At that, I continued my journey to the front door. On the way there, I looked over toward Reece’s office. His eyes met mine, and it seemed like he was in deep thought. I offered a friendly wave.

  Reece smiled and jerked his chin up.

  Then, I stepped outside and took in a deep breath of the fresh air. When I let it out, I did so with a renewed sense of faith in my non-relationship with Holden.

  We were new.

  Maybe he just needed some time.

  I had been incredibly close to giving up hope.

  Currently, it was early Friday evening, and it wasn’t until a few hours ago that I received a call from Holden. Seeing his number come up on my phone’s display left me feeling a bit shocked.

  Wednesday evening, following my first class at his brother’s gym, I sent Holden a text.

  I just taught my first yoga class tonight, and it was a huge success.

  It was nearly thirty minutes later when he responded.

  Congratulations! Happy to hear everything is working out there for you.

  Me: None of it would have happened if it hadn’t been for you. I feel like I can’t thank you enough.

  Holden never responded to my last text.

  Even though I tried to keep Reece’s words in the back of my mind, the emotional distance between Holden and I really started to feel unsettling.

  But today, he called.

  I got to hear his voice for the first time in nearly a week. A voice that brought me so much comfort on one of the worst days of my life. I loved getting that voice back.

  After I answered his call, he asked, “Hey, sweetheart. How was your week?”

  It took me a minute to pull myself together, but I eventually found my words. “Good. Great, actually. I’ve been keeping myself busy with classes, filming, and editing. How about you? Did you have a good week?”

  “Mostly,” he replied. “It’s been pretty quiet at work. I’ve been working on a few smaller cases, so nothing too crazy.”

  “That’s good.”

  I wasn’t sure what else to say. I hadn’t been expecting his call, and I was still feeling a bit caught off guard. Thankfully, I didn’t have to try too hard to think of something to talk about because Holden said, “I was hoping you were free tonight. Do you have any plans?”

  I was torn. I really, really wanted to see him. But part of me wondered if I could handle having him come over simply to
connect physically.

  “I don’t have any plans,” I answered.

  A moment of hesitation before he responded, “Well, if you’re up to it, I’d like to take you out tonight.”

  Butterflies fluttered in my belly. Holden wanted to go on a date.

  “Really?” I asked.

  I realized after I said it that it probably wasn’t the best thing to say. If he was, as Reece put it, struggling with this thing between us, me making my shock over him wanting to spend time with me outside of the bedroom wasn’t going to make it any easier on him.

  I couldn’t read the tone of his voice when he said, “Yes, Leni. Really.”

  Instantly, I agreed, “Yes, I’d love to go out with you tonight.”

  “Dress casual,” he instructed. “I have something planned that I think you’ll find fun.”

  “I can do casual,” I assured him and instantly regretted my choice of words. Casual was the exact opposite of what I was finding I could do.

  “I’ll pick you up around five-thirty. Does that work?”

  “That’s perfect.”

  Now, it was just a few minutes before five-thirty, and I was bursting with excitement. Not only could I not wait to see Holden, but I also couldn’t wait to see what he had planned for us tonight.

  Of course, I was also excited that we were going on an actual date. Truthfully, as eager as I was to find out where he planned to take us tonight, I really didn’t care where we were going. This was the first real date we were going on. I didn’t consider our lunch date after he and his team caught the arsonist to really be a date. At least, not the romantic kind, even if we ended it by kissing each other on my couch.

  When there was a knock on my door a few minutes later, I struggled and forced myself not to run over to open it. But in all honesty, I definitely found myself scurrying toward it. The minute my eyes locked on Holden’s I wanted to cry. I had truly missed him this week.

  At the same time, as much as I wanted to throw myself into his arms, I held myself back. Luckily, Holden took a step toward me, slid one arm around my waist, the other around my upper back and pulled me close. He buried his face in my neck and took a deep inhale. I couldn’t do anything but hold on tight and enjoy the feeling of being in his arms again.