Surrender (Cunningham Security Book 7) Page 9

  After several long moments of silence while we held each other, Holden kissed the skin where my neck met my shoulder. He did it slowly and repeatedly. And it took everything in me not to moan at the feel of his lips on my skin.

  Eventually, Holden loosened his grip on me and pulled back to look in my eyes. “Missed you, Leni.”

  He was going to make me cry. It was then that I realized perhaps I had made more out of things than was necessary.

  It was hard for me because I’d become so accustomed to diving in without any reservations for so long. And every time I’d done that up until now, I’d never once regretted it. When I believed that Holden wasn’t really interested in me beyond a physical relationship, it made me question myself for the first time in a really long time.

  “I missed you, too, Holden. So much,” I told him.

  He let that settle a minute before he asked, “Are you ready to go?”

  I nodded, moved to grab my purse and keys, and locked the door.

  Twenty minutes later, I found myself falling harder for the man beside me. He had taken the time to really think about a great idea for a date with me. I appreciated his effort to make sure it was something he truly believed I was going to enjoy.

  And his efforts were not in vain.

  Because I was beyond thrilled to be taking trapeze classes with him.

  “I can’t believe you planned this,” I exclaimed. “This has got to be the best idea anyone has ever had.”

  Holden shot me a huge grin and asked, “Have you ever done this before?”

  I shook my head. “No. But I’ve always wanted to try it.”

  “I was thinking about where I wanted to take you on a date and realized that because you love yoga so much, it needed to be something that would keep us active.”

  “Obviously, I can’t say for sure just yet, but I’m willing to bet this is going to go down in my book as the best date ever,” I insisted.

  Holden looked proud of himself for his efforts. I leaned into him, and after a moment of hesitation, he put his arm around my shoulders and gave me a squeeze. That small gesture did so much. It made me feel the best I’d felt in days.

  Before we could get started, Holden and I first needed to go through the fifteen-minute introduction for the class, which was where we learned about the harness system, the calls, and the body positions. By the time that ended, I was bursting at the seams with excitement to strap in and start flying.

  “Are you okay?” Holden asked as I practically bounced out of my shoes beside him.

  My head bobbed up and down furiously as I continued to grin from ear to ear. “I’m fantastic,” I chirped. “I’m just anxious to get started.”

  “I guess that’s my confirmation that this was worth all the time I took to plan it,” he declared.

  “No doubt about it,” I assured him.

  For the next two hours, Holden and I had an absolute blast.

  Apparently, I’d done really well because I was given the chance to try a catch. According to the employees, it was rare for someone to come in and do a catch at their first class. I was so excited about it, determined to do it, and asked if I could. They liked the control I had over my body and the ease with which I learned to do everything else, so they agreed to it.

  Holden didn’t mind and even snapped a few pictures and took a video for me.

  I knew this was a date I’d never forget.

  When our session was over, Holden called a local restaurant and ordered food to go. “I’d prefer to have you to myself for the rest of the night,” he explained his reason for not taking me out.

  Since I’d had such an amazing time with him at the trapeze classes, and he was taking the time to feed me, I said, “It makes no difference to me where we eat as long as you’re with me.”

  That statement caused Holden to stop and stare at me. As quickly as it took hold of him, it let him go.

  Then, we got in his truck and went to pick up dinner.

  It wasn’t much later when Holden surprised me again. After we got our dinner, he didn’t drive back to my place. Instead, he drove us to his. It was the first time he was bringing me to his place; that had to mean he was making small steps in the right direction.

  Holden lived in a townhouse in a quiet neighborhood not too far from where I lived, and I had to admit to myself that I liked knowing he was that close to me.

  Holden parked, came around to open my door, and took the food from my hands.

  I was too stunned to bring myself to say anything, so I simply walked beside Holden into his house.

  And the shock didn’t end there.

  Holden and I had sat down to eat and had gotten a few bites of our food in when he surprised me by asking about something I thought he had no interest in.

  “So, everything is going okay with your classes at Reece’s gym now?” he asked.

  It caught me off guard because the last time I tried to talk to him about it, though it was only through text message, he never engaged in the conversation. I took a minute to think about it and realized that it only seemed to be when I mentioned Holden himself that he shut down. Perhaps it was best to avoid discussion of him for the time being while he got used to the idea of me.

  Nodding, I finished chewing, swallowed, and replied, “Yes. I’ve only held one so far, but it was great for a multitude of reasons.”

  “Really? Like what?” he pressed.

  Okay. That was a good sign. He wanted to know more.

  “Well, I think the biggest thing for me was finally just knowing that I had a place to work and hold classes. I love what I do, so the idea that I wasn’t going to be able to do it for a few months was really messing with my head. Even if I only had two or three students, I would have been happy.”

  Holden’s brows pulled together as he brought his food to his mouth. “Was it a large class?” he asked before taking a bite.

  Smiling brightly at him, I shared, “One of the biggest I’ve ever had even when I was in my own studio.”

  Confusion marred his features briefly, but it lasted on a few moments. Realization suddenly dawned, and Holden murmured, “Reece.”

  “Yes,” I confirmed with a nod. “I had actually planned to go out and talk to him right after class, but he walked in as I was rolling up the mats. Much like you just did, I had guessed that he was the reason behind it. He confirmed that he’d done a little promoting for the class but also insisted that he had something to gain by it.”

  Holden chuckled as he sat back in his chair. “Let me guess,” he started. “He wants you to stay on even after your studio is rebuilt.”

  “How did you know that?” I asked.

  Shaking his head with a grin on his face, he pushed his empty plate back and explained, “I’m not an idiot. I know how my brother works, so this doesn’t surprise me.”

  “I’m not upset about it,” I assured Holden in case he worried that his brother had offended me.

  “Are you going to do it?” he asked, his tone unreadable.

  I hesitated to answer immediately because I wasn’t sure how he’d react to my decision. Ultimately, I decided there would be little I could do to control his reaction, so I simply answered, “I didn’t make any official commitments, but I did tell Reece that I’d be open to working something out. I’d love to be able to express my gratitude to him for doing this for me, so if I can teach a couple classes a month doing something I enjoy while bringing in extra business for him, I’m willing to do it.”

  Holden kept his eyes on me in silence while he assessed me. Then, he noted, “Reece will be happy about that.”

  I didn’t know if Holden would be put off by my question, but he gave me no indication otherwise. So, I pushed my plate away, took in a deep breath, and asked, “What about you?”

  “Me?”

  Nodding, I clarified, “Yeah. How do you feel about it?”

  Holden tipped his head to the side and remarked, “I’m happy for you if that’s what you want to do.
Why do you ask?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. I was just curious if you had an opinion about it.”

  “I’m not sure I’m in a position to have an opinion about it,” he started. “If this arrangement is something that works well for you and for Reece, then I think you should do it. But it’s really not my place to tell you what to do.”

  Hmm. Holden didn’t think he was in a position to have an opinion about me working at his brother’s gym. While I understood that he had no control over the decisions I made, I still valued his input. It still mattered to me what he thought about it.

  Perhaps from his perspective, especially if he was struggling to open himself up to me, we weren’t at a stage in our relationship where this was something he was comfortable doing. I felt disappointed, but also thought it was wise to be understanding. Just because I moved at warp speed didn’t mean everyone else would.

  This date was a huge step in a positive direction. So, even though it wasn’t all perfect and exactly how I had hoped, it was still something. Holden was trying to give me something. I wasn’t certain if he knew that or set out to do it, but it meant a lot.

  And because I appreciated his efforts, I thought he should be rewarded. I pushed forward out of my chair and moved toward him. Holden slid his chair back and reached a hand out to the side of my upper thigh as I got close.

  I straddled his lap and brought myself chest to chest with him.

  “I had an amazing time today,” I shared. “This was the best date I’ve ever been on.”

  Holden’s grip on my thighs grew tighter as he returned, “I had a great time with you, too.”

  Leaning forward so that my mouth was just inches from his, I praised him. “You’re a smart man,” I started. “This wasn’t just a simple dinner and a movie date. You took the time to pick something that I’d truly enjoy.”

  “I’m happy to hear that,” he whispered.

  “Do you know what that means?” I asked.

  He gave a slight shake of his head indicating he did not know.

  Smiling against his lips, I declared, “It means I have my work cut out for me to give you the best night you’ve ever had.”

  Holden cocked an eyebrow and wondered, “Do you think you can do it?”

  I touched my mouth to his, kissed him once, pulled back, and promised, “I plan to give it all I’ve got.”

  Then, I kissed him again. This time, it was much longer and included tongues, touching, and moaning. We ended up removing our tops right there. Holden’s mouth was all over me until he lifted me from his lap and shifted my bottom to the table where he started removing my bottoms. The minute they were gone, he ran his lips and his tongue along my legs.

  His grip on them tightened, and with his mouth on the inner part of my knee, he rasped, “Your legs are gorgeous, Leni.”

  My thighs clenched, but he held them apart. “Holden,” I breathed.

  “I’ve never seen another pair of legs this beautiful in my whole life,” he went on.

  So it seemed Holden could share his feelings. Of course, this was related to our current, or pending, physical connection. Considering I’d had a rough week of thinking he wasn’t going to give me anything, I’d take this for now.

  But I was going to be in charge of delivering the fun.

  “I’m supposed to be making this night the best you’ve ever had,” I reminded him.

  Holden stopped moving his mouth over my body, stood from his chair, and looked down at me. His eyes were burning with desire. I held his gaze waiting for him to say something.

  He didn’t.

  At least, not immediately.

  Instead, he lifted me from the table and carried me through his house. He climbed the stairs with me in his arms and took us to his bedroom. Once he brought me to my back in his bed, he positioned himself next to me on his back.

  Then, he ordered, “You better get to work then.”

  Not wanting to waste a moment, I sat up immediately and got to work. I couldn’t remember a time where I put as much effort into something as I did with pleasing Holden. When we finished, I had no doubts I’d accomplished what I set out to do.

  It wasn’t because he told me that I had. Instead, he communicated it another way. Holden shocked me once again when he slid under the covers after returning from disposing of the condom. I thought he was going to initiate another round of sex, which I wasn’t sure I had the strength to endure at that moment.

  But he didn’t.

  Instead, he rolled his body toward mine, urged me to my side, and hooked an arm around my waist.

  Yes, that’s right.

  Holden spooned me.

  And while it might have seemed like such a small thing to anyone else, I knew it was huge for us.

  So, I allowed myself to feel happy about it. I loved seeing the effort Holden was making. If what Reece said was true and Holden was going to need me to be patient, it gave me comfort that Reece wasn’t wrong. Because what Holden was giving me now told me that I wouldn’t regret it if I could find it in myself to be patient with him. Maybe things hadn’t gotten deep between us, and maybe Holden was still struggling to give me parts of himself. But from the minute he called me this afternoon until now, curled up tight in his arms, I didn’t have it in me to be the least bit disappointed.

  I couldn’t do it.

  I tried to stay away, but I couldn’t.

  And I didn’t like that because it didn’t make sense. Life for me was always about doing what was logical. Common sense told me that putting myself in a situation to be hurt again was foolish.

  But for nearly a whole week, Leni never left my thoughts. I felt like I was going crazy not being around her.

  So, I gave in to my reckless heart for the first time in a really long time.

  I decided to take a risk. But I was going to be cautious.

  Maybe it was a bad idea. Maybe I was setting myself up—setting us both up—for disaster. I didn’t know what else to do, though.

  Never before had I ever been consumed with such a strong pull to a woman. Yes, I’d been engaged before, but I hadn’t ever been fighting myself not to go all in when I took that risk.

  Now, I was fighting myself and struggling to stay away from this woman. This beautiful woman who had made me forget tonight, even if only for a few hours, that I was supposed to be guarding my heart.

  Holding her in my arms now with her gorgeous, sleeping body pressed against mine, I remembered.

  And as my arm rose and fell on her side with each breath she took, I silently hoped for strength. Because even though I called her earlier today believing I was just going to find a way to connect with her again, all it took was hearing her voice. One word was all she had to say, and I caved. Suddenly, the plan to call and keep things as she had offered from the start went out the window.

  So, I needed to find a way to always remember and stay strong.

  Willpower, which I currently seemed to be lacking, was the only thing that would keep me from making emotional decisions.

  Just as I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent of Leni, I prayed that my logical brain wouldn’t continue to falter. When I woke in the morning, I needed to be prepared.

  Because I knew if I wasn’t, the moment Leni looked at me, I’d easily surrender to her all over again.

  As much as I didn’t want to leave Holden’s warm embrace, I needed to know what time it was. Begrudgingly, I ended the best night of sleep I’d had in the last week, opened my eyes, and rolled away from him. I slid out of the bed and stood at the edge of it looking at Holden as he slept.

  He was exquisite… in more than one way. I simply couldn’t get over it.

  After giving myself a few moments to take him in, I slid one of Holden’s t-shirts over my head and went in search of my phone. I found it, noted the time, and realized I had two-and-a-half hours left before my yoga class was set to start this morning.

  When I walked back into the bedroom, I saw that Holden had rolled to his
back and was looking up at me. His eyes roamed over me, from top to toe, before he asked, “Where did you go?”

  I held my phone up in front of me and answered, “I needed to check the time. I have a class this morning.”

  “What time?”

  Moving toward him, I stopped right next to his side of the bed. Then, I replied, “Two and a half hours.”

  Holden grinned at me but said nothing.

  “What’s that look for?” I asked.

  His hand reached out and landed on my hip. It was there only briefly before he began trailing his fingers down over the fabric of his shirt until he reached the hem. His fingers lightly caressed the skin on my upper thigh.

  “Plenty of time,” he whispered.

  I pressed my thighs together in anticipation of having him between my legs again. Holden noticed me squirming, brought his eyes to mine, and smiled. Then, without warning, he quickly sat up in the bed, slid one arm around my bottom, another around my back, and pulled me into the bed with him.

  Once there, he slid his shirt up and off my body before he used his time wisely.

  An hour later, Holden and I were in his truck on the way back to my place. After having his way with me this morning, we dragged ourselves out of bed and got dressed. Holden decided to treat me with breakfast and made a quick stop at a bagel shop on the way to my house.

  When we pulled up outside my house, I looked over and said, “Thank you so much for such a wonderful night last night. I really had the best time.”

  Holden’s hand reached out to cup the side of my face. His thumb stroked over the skin of my cheek before he replied in a gentle voice, “You’re welcome, sweetheart. I had a really nice time, too.”

  I didn’t want to leave him just yet, so I leaned across the center console, touched my fingers to his face, and pressed my lips against his. Holden’s hand gripped my hair at the back of my head as he moaned against my mouth.