Control the Burn (Hearts & Horsepower Book 1) Read online

  By the time my shift ended, Cristina was still there with Nicole, which made me feel marginally better.

  I drove myself home feeling a mix of elation and sadness. It was unbelievable to me how that could happen. And while I hadn’t delivered my own baby, I felt like I had a relatively good understanding of Nicole’s disappointment.

  He didn’t call.

  In the end, both of us would be fine. Of that I was certain.

  After I got home and took a shower, I sat down to eat dinner. It was then I realized I had been so caught up in being there for Nicole all day that I hadn’t even checked my phone. I pulled it out of my bag, and immediately saw that I had a missed call from my sister and a missed call and voicemail from a number I didn’t recognize.

  Instantly, I assumed it was Owen. He had promised he’d call, and I wouldn’t have put it past him to reach out immediately so we could set up a time to go out for that cup of coffee. He was persistent.

  Persistence, in my opinion, was much better than the alternative.

  I went to my voicemail, tapped on the message from the unknown number, and put the phone on speaker so I could continue eating dinner.

  I was bringing my fork up to my mouth when I suddenly stopped.

  Because the voice I’d been dying to hear was coming through the phone at me.

  Logan.

  Logan was calling me.

  Now.

  Four and a half weeks after he promised he would.

  Hey, Kendall. It’s Logan. I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner. Can you give me a call back when you have a chance?

  Sorry?

  He was sorry he didn’t call sooner?

  Nothing. Not a single word. Not even a text message after I left his place following a night where I gave myself to him. Nothing for close to five weeks. And the only thing he could think to say now was that he was sorry he didn’t call sooner.

  I wasn’t sure if he thought that length of time was reasonable or not, but I knew what I thought. It wasn’t.

  No.

  No way would I accept that.

  Before I could stop myself from doing it, I tapped on the screen and played the message again.

  His voice.

  His deep, sexy voice.

  I closed my eyes. I could almost remember what it sounded like as he whispered into my ear with that voice when he was inside me.

  When his message ended, I played it again.

  Then, because I knew I’d torture myself with it, I listened to it one more time before I deleted it.

  Not even a minute later, a text came in. I didn’t even have a chance to click on it before a second and third one came in. All three were from the same number. It was another one I didn’t recognize.

  The first text was a photo of a dog.

  This is Charlie. And he’s the most troublesome dog I’ve ever met in my life. He didn’t cooperate on today’s walk.

  After reading the second text, I enlarged the photo and smiled at the dog. This was Owen’s dog. Realizing he had sent a third text, I clicked off the photo and looked at the last text.

  Hope you had a great day at work, Kendall. I know you work tomorrow, but if you’re free on Sunday, I’d like to see you.

  This was how it was done. When you promise someone that you’re going to do something, you do it.

  Appreciating his gesture to do as he said he would, I tapped out a response.

  Me: Charlie looks adorable. ☺ How could you be mad at him?

  Me: And Sunday is perfect. You name the time and the place. I’ll be there.

  Owen: Being cute is the only reason I’m not really mad at him.

  Owen: I’ll figure out the details and reach out tomorrow with them.

  Me: Sounds great!

  Owen: I’m looking forward to it.

  I didn’t respond to that. Instead, I set my phone down and finished my dinner. Unfortunately, as hard as I tried to think of my upcoming date with Owen, it was difficult. Because all I could think about was how badly I wanted to return Logan’s call.

  But self-respect and a little bit of pride wouldn’t let me.

  I needed my sister. I was convinced she was the only one who could help me at a time like this.

  It was Saturday evening, and I’d just gotten home from work. Over the last twenty-four hours, I’d experienced a lot of emotions. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I tried to tell myself that I was doing the right thing, I still wasn’t convinced.

  So, I needed help.

  The phone rang twice before Jolie answered, “Hey, sissy. How’s it going? How was work today?”

  “I need your advice,” I stated. Then, thinking on it for a moment, I added, “Or, if nothing else, I just need you to listen to me while I talk and try to work this out. You aren’t busy, are you?”

  “No, not at all,” she assured me. “Lorenzo and I were out running around all day. He’s up in the shower now, and I’m preparing some dinner. We’ve got a night in watching hockey.”

  This struck me as odd. “You mean, you didn’t get tickets to go to the game?” I asked.

  “It’s an away game. Otherwise, it’s very likely that Rocco would have gotten us tickets to go watch the game live.”

  Rocco was Lorenzo’s brother, and played for the Wyoming Summits in the NHL. My sister was a huge hockey fan before she and Lorenzo even got together. Once she told me that his brother played, I knew they were perfect for each other.

  “Ah, okay. You know I don’t pay attention to any of that,” I reminded her.

  Through her laughter, she agreed, “Yes, I know that. So, what’s going on? What do you need my help with?”

  “I’m going on a date tomorrow,” I blurted.

  “What? With who?” she wondered.

  “Owen Davis,” I said.

  “Who is that? Where did you meet him?” she pressed me for more answers.

  “He’s a doctor,” I started. “I met him about a month ago and I—”

  Jolie cut me off and shouted, “You met a man a month ago and didn’t tell me! You met Logan a month ago, too!”

  “I know that. But when I say I only met him a month ago, I mean exactly that. I only met him. He asked me out, but I turned him down because it was literally the same weekend that I hooked up with Logan,” I explained.

  Her voice dropped a couple octaves when she mumbled, “Oh.”

  My sister’s realization and the change in her tone had me growing quiet, too. Just the mention of Logan’s name was enough to do that to me. The night I hooked up with him… it felt like a lifetime ago. Just hearing his name, even if it was my own voice saying it, was a reminder of that night. Of how badly I’d misjudged everything.

  “Okay, so you met a man a month ago,” Jolie began. “And now you’re going on a date with him?”

  “Well, yeah,” I confirmed. “He’s a really nice guy and is incredibly handsome. Considering he’s also an emergency room physician, he’s also a very smart guy. On paper, he’s perfect.”

  “It sounds like he checks all the right boxes,” she pointed out. “What’s the dilemma?”

  “Logan called,” I blurted.

  “What?!” she practically shrieked. “When?”

  I couldn’t help but let out a laugh. As troubled as I felt dealing with my current predicament, I was always the more reserved one of the two of us. Jolie was the opposite and much more animated than me. My sister never seemed to have any trouble putting herself out there and saying whatever was on her mind. That was the very reason I loved her so much. She was the most genuine and honest person I’d ever known.

  “Yesterday,” I replied. “It was, of course, hours after I agreed to go out for a cup of coffee with Owen. I had a really busy day at work, but when I got home, I saw that you had called along with a number I didn’t recognize. When I listened to the voicemail message, I was just as shocked as you are right now to hear Logan’s voice.”

  “What did he say?” she asked.

  “He was sorry that he hadn’t called sooner and wanted me to give him a call back,” I answered.

  Jolie didn’t respond with words, though I heard her let out a grunt of disapproval. When she made no move to add anything to that, I shared, “I listened to his message four times before deleting it, and now I wish I hadn’t gotten rid of it.”

  “Oh boy,” she murmured softly.

  It was my turn to remain silent. And it was okay that I did because my sister took the liberty to assess the situation now that she had the facts.

  “Alright, so let me get this straight,” she started. “You and Logan hooked up a little over a month ago. It was completely out of character for you but arguably the best night of your life. Only days later, you meet a handsome doctor who is interested in taking you out on a date, but you tell him you’re involved with someone else. Sadly, the guy you really like never calls like he said he would. For weeks on end. You go through every heartbreaking emotion because you’ve put yourself out there with Logan in a way that you’ve never done before simply because you felt something indescribable with him and believed it meant something special. When you finally come to grips with the fact that the night you had with Logan meant much more to you than it did to him, you agree to go out on a date with the doctor. Hours later, the guy you’ve been wanting to call you finally does. And now, if I know anything at all about my sister, it’s that you’re stuck between following logic, which tells you to steer clear of Logan and following your heart, which doesn’t want you to deny what you felt with that man. Am I close?”

  “Pretty much spot on,” I confirmed. Her accurate assessment of the situation as well as the resulting predicament I was in wasn’t surprising. She knew me all too well.

  “So what are you going to do?” she asked.

  I pulled in a deep breath and sighed, “I was hoping you’d tell me what to do.”

  Silence stretched between us. It went on so long I began to wonder if she was going to try and help me at all. While I didn’t exactly expect her to tell me precisely what I should do, I was hoping for a bit of guidance.

  Finally, she asked, “If you could have anything you wanted in this situation, what would it be?”

  Without hesitating, I replied, “I would have wanted Logan to call me a lot sooner than he did.”

  “Are you willing to return his call?” she wondered.

  Willing to and wanting to were two different things in this situation. I wanted to call him. There was no doubt in my mind about it. But my willingness to do it was another story.

  “I’m not one to play games, especially in a situation like this, but part of me wants to make him wait four weeks before I consider calling him back. Of course, you know I’m not going to do that. I just… well… I don’t trust myself,” I admitted.

  “What does that mean?” she asked.

  I took in another deep breath. I wasn’t sure I wanted to admit it out loud. If I did, it would make this whole thing even more pitiful. But I needed her advice, and there was no way she’d be able to give me it if I didn’t give her the opportunity to understand the full scope of my predicament.

  “I’m weak,” I confessed. “I can’t explain why that is because I don’t quite understand it myself, but I’m weak when it comes to Logan. Jojo, in a matter of a few hours, I was naked in his bed completely caught up in him and what I felt between us. Considering how foolish I’d been to believe there was some greater thing happening between us that pushed me to go home with him that night, how could I possibly trust myself to make any sane, rational decision when it comes to him again?”

  There was a brief pause before my sister said, “Love isn’t about being sane or rational.”

  “I’m not in love with him,” I assured her. “I might have been infatuated then. Awestruck. Completely in lust. But it wasn’t love.”

  “That doesn’t mean that the spark you felt with him couldn’t turn into love,” she argued. “Kendall, listen, I’m not saying Logan’s right for what he did. In fact, I’m so angry that he has taken this long to reach out to you. But look at my situation. Lorenzo struggled for a really long time. He fought the attraction between us for more than five months. When he finally realized he couldn’t deny what was happening between us, things changed. And now I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. Maybe Logan has his own demons he’s battling. If that’s the case, would you regret not calling him back and at least hearing him out?”

  I had to admit I hadn’t considered that.

  But I wasn’t entirely convinced that was the case with Logan. I knew how Lorenzo had been with my sister from the start. He never took advantage of her willingness to be with him. He held himself back and stayed away without ever taking that step. Lorenzo didn’t promise to give Jolie something and never follow through.

  That’s where her situation differed from mine. Logan not only took what I willingly offered that night, but he also made me a promise to call after what we shared. Now I knew they were probably just words to keep it from getting awkward.

  When I didn’t respond to all that my sister had said, she continued, “If it were me, I’d call Logan back. But I’m different than you, Kendall, so you have to take the time to figure out if that’s something you can bring yourself to do. Either way, I’ll support whatever decision you make. In the meantime, I don’t think it’ll be a big deal for you to go out with a nice guy that has a lot of potential.”

  “He’s safe,” I admitted.

  “I’m confused,” she replied.

  “Owen. He’s safe. Like you already said, Owen ticks all the right boxes. He seems like an incredible guy. He’s nice, personable, and funny, but he doesn’t… he doesn’t make me feel that same burn that Logan did. So, in essence, whether this turns out to just be friends having coffee or something a little bit more than that, I don’t think I’ll feel the same disappointment,” I explained.

  That was the truth.

  There was nothing wrong with Owen. I truly believed that no matter what came of our date, I wouldn’t be left feeling letdown. On one hand, if he decided not to ask or pursue me for another date, I wouldn’t think twice about it. On the other hand, if he wanted more dates that eventually turned into a serious relationship, I believed he’d make a great partner. Maybe I wouldn’t feel that burn I did with Logan, but I also wouldn’t feel heartbreak.

  “You need to do what feels right for you,” my sister urged me. “If you need the comfort of stability and dependability, then go out with Owen. Have a good time, and enjoy yourself. Maybe you’ll find that you get to a place you didn’t expect with that. And if not, you might decide you need that extra something. If that happens, that’s okay, too.”

  On that note, I decided I needed some time to myself. I thanked Jojo for her listening ear and helpful advice. Then I spent the rest of my evening trying to figure out how I was going to push the sound of Logan’s voice out of my head. Because for the time being, I needed to feel a bit of happiness.

  “So where did you move from?”

  I was sitting across the table from Owen at Grind House, one of the best local coffee shops. I had decided to make a real effort to get to know him better.

  “Philadelphia.”

  My eyes widened as Owen grinned at me. “Really?”

  He dipped his chin and replied, “Yeah.”

  “Is that where you grew up?” I asked.

  “Not right in the city, but my family lived in a suburb on the outskirts,” Owen shared.

  I couldn’t imagine leaving my family and moving more than halfway across the country from them.

  “How did your family take the news you were transferring out here?” I wondered.

  Shaking his head, he answered, “Not bad. My parents are still in the same home I was raised in. They made it clear I’ve always got a place to come back to if I want. And my brother is just as supportive. He’s still working at the same hospital as a cardiologist.”

  “You and your brother are both doctors?”

  Owen dipped his chin. “Yep. What about your family? Do you have any siblings?”

  “Four.”

  “Four?” he repeated.

  “I have two older brothers, Colton and Memphis. They’re both police officers. I also have a younger brother, Dom, who works as a private investigator. And there’s my little sister, Jolie. She’s a massage therapist.”

  “Wow,” he marveled. “That’s a lot. I’ll bet it was fun growing up, though.”

  Tipping my head to the side, I shrugged and said, “Mostly. We had our moments. But the good times always outweighed the bad.”

  I lifted my cup of coffee to my lips, took a sip, and asked, “So, what made you move out here?”

  Owen laughed. “I’m an emergency room physician. I was living in Philadelphia. That’s like asking for more work than is physically possible,” he said in a playful tone. “In all seriousness, though, I love what I do. But I realized that being in such a big city doing what I do was going to eventually take its toll. I enjoy the high-pressure situations, but I disliked how frequently I felt as though I’d not be able to save them all.”

  I took a moment to think about what he was saying and surmised, “So you wanted to move somewhere that would still allow you to do the work you loved at a slightly slower pace?”

  “Not necessarily at a slower pace but rather at a reasonable rate,” he corrected. “Emergencies, as I’m sure you know, can still be pretty intense regardless of where they’re happening. It’s the volume of them that I was seeing in Philly that was too much. I think it’s just the nature of larger cities.”

  That made sense. I could understand how difficult it would be to know that I was tied up trying to make sure one patient survived while I knew another needed me just as desperately. It was the opposite of what I had to deal with in labor and delivery. Once my patient was close to the end, she was my sole responsibility. The other nurses would pick up the slack on my other patient in early stages of labor.

  I’d taken so long to consider Owen’s reason for leaving a place that likely offered significant job security that he spoke again.